ANXIOUS KIDS: A CALL TO ACTION Anne Giles Direction Worx Ltd Stephanie Geddes The University of Waikato Anne Giles
‘Anxious kids have really good strengths in humility, love, honesty, kindness and social intelligence, but they need to dial up their strengths in leadership and bravery, perspective, judgment and curiosity.’ The Listener – Feb 2018 This article is not about how dire the mental health statistics in New Zealand are . . . It is not about whether teachers are sufficiently equipped to deal with kids who are suffering from severe anxiety . . . It is not about why kids are anxious . . . It is about stepping forward to take action – to put the talk to practical use . . . – to make a difference for Anxious Kids now!
miserable and can ‘fly under the radar’ in a class not causing any overt disruption but under-achieving and not being prepared to ‘take risks’ with their learning. We wish to state categorically that we are NOT experts in mental health, clinical diagnosis or counselling. We bring to this issue our facilitation and coaching experience to share what the experts are saying, in a practical and usable fashion for fellow educators and others working directly with children and their families. As parents ourselves, we know only too well how a child suffering from stress/anxiety/worry can affect the whole family. In the words of St Luke’s Innovative Resources company newsletter, ‘It’s not about ‘curing’ or ‘getting rid of ’ anxiety, it’s all about learning how to tolerate the anxiety and to manage it in a way that makes life easier and more enjoyable.’ (Anxiety Solutions for Kids cards 2018)
Background ‘Anxious Kids: As colleagues Let’s Talk About involved in coaching It’ seminars and facilitation We decided to run work across many two seminars of two educational settings hours duration to over 17 years, we felt explore and discuss a need to respond to beliefs and thinking what teachers and about anxiety, what leaders have been the research says, how saying about the this all connects to challenges around the NZ Curriculum helping students and some possible cope with anxiety. solutions so that Teachers report teachers could help increasing numbers With thanks to Jo McNally – year 2/3 class Taupo Primary – Tapping kids (anxious or not) of students displaying symptoms of ADD/ADHD/and ASD with a limited ability to to learn some strategies to manage themselves better. At the two seminars, plus a Teacher Only day and two staff self-regulate i.e. to focus, sustain on-task behaviour and relate positively to others. There are worrying reports about children meetings, we hosted 150 participants; teachers and support staff as young as 8 years old being put on medication like Ritalin and from Early Childhood centres, primary and secondary schools anti-depressants to cope with their anxiety and self-destructive and counsellors from private businesses in the Taupo region. behaviours. Many staff members in early childhood centres and 30 Community Practice nurses attended an evening meeting schools contend that there has been an escalation in aggressive and 70 parents turned out on a cold Winter night to a parent and violent behaviours towards fellow students, as well as adults. information meeting at a local school. It seemed we had struck In a recent NZPF survey, 41 per cent of teachers and Principals a chord with many members of our local community. reported being struck by a student in the last year. Of course, most anxious children are not violent, but violence Some Definitions or ‘lashing out’ is often an expression of ‘not coping’ when anxiety So, let’s be clear– what is anxiety? Rob Kelly defines it in his escalates and a child feels ‘out of control.’ Many anxious children book, ‘Thrive’ thus, ‘“Anxiety” is used to describe a state of apprehension, fear, worry are self-destructive and turn their violence in on themselves, or they become ‘hypervigilant’ – constantly scanning the and doubt. It encompasses the thoughts, worries and feelings either environment for danger – and therefore appear to be inattentive behind, or resulting from, a physical stress response or symptom. and unfocused in a learning environment. Others are just quietly We create anxiety and stress in, or about, situations where we
have an external locus of control – in particular a poor belief in our coping skills.’ (R. Kelly, Thrive, 2011) Or put more simply, ‘what we feel in our mind and body when our worries hang around a lot.’ Anxiety is often used synonymously with fear, worry and stress. Fear is the feeling we get when our body and brain tell us that we could be in some kind of danger; the acronym False Evidence Appearing Real sums it up well. Worry is a type of fear that sticks around in our minds. Stress is what is created when we don’t manage our thinking well, in response to pressure and situations in life where we either feel out of control, or where we don’t believe we can influence the outcome. What Does The Research Say? 25 per cent of children and adolescents suffer from anxiety – it is the number 1 Mental Health issue in New Zealand. 79,000 young New Zealanders are in ‘psychological distress’ (Listener, Feb 3 2018) ■■ New Zealand has the second highest rate of bullying in the OECD – even thinking about it causes anxiety ■■ Drivers include – poverty, lack of down time and human connection, uncertainty, audiovisual access to global information about terrorism, destruction and war, the pressures of perfectionism, social media intrusion on leisure/family time ■■ Anxiety comes in spikes and tends to wax and wane ■■ It can run in families ■■ Anxious children tend to interpret even safe situations as dangerous and don’t usually ‘learn from the experience, ’i.e. even though they come through the perceived trauma or challenge okay – they don’t feel better equipped to tackle it next time. ■■ Anxiety can make you ‘sick’ ■■
The New Zealand Curriculum Connection The New Zealand curriculum (Ministry of Education, 2007) is a competency-based curriculum listing five key competencies to be developed to realize the Vision for New Zealand students as being ‘confident, connected, actively involved, lifelong learners.’ The social competencies – Managing Self, Relating to Others and Participating and Contributing sit alongside the intellectual competencies – Thinking and Using Language, Symbols and Texts. The key competencies emphasise the importance of students developing appropriate learning behaviours to be able to be self monitoring, agentic, work with others effectively and develop responsibility and resilience. They are context dependent and do not stand alone. ‘Students need to be challenged and supported to develop them in contexts that are increasingly wide-ranging and complex.’ – (NZ Curriculum document, p 12) The close connection with hauora – the Māori philosophy of well-being – as outlined in the Health and Physical Education
Learning Area in NZC – enables teachers to plan to connect the competencies to developing healthy attitudes to physical, mental and emotional health both for individuals, whānau and community. A Way Of Being As a parent or a teacher, there is a lot you can do to help an anxious child. You can try to better understand the anxious behaviours, focus on the child’s strengths, be open and honest in your communication, develop a non-judgmental stance, approach behaviour with a ‘curious’ attitude, be aware of your own and others’ assumptions, and question whether you are being supportive or colluding in your responses. The language you use when talking with an anxious child is critical. It is important to try not to be ‘pulled down by the negative self-talk’ that the child may be engaging in. If you sympathise (thinking you are being supportive) – chances are you will just make things worse! For example – if the child says, “I’m so worried about the exam tomorrow because I’m useless at exams and I know I will fail” . . . instead of saying, “Oh you poor thing, I always hated exams too!” . . . you would be better to say, “I know it’s hard for you right now, but you have a plan to manage your nerves – you know you did much better last time.” The first statement only serves to collude with the child’s negative belief about their capability whereas the second statement presents hope and confidence that they can get through. The second statement comes f rom an empat hy perspective. ‘Minding your language’ when talking with kids is a powerful tool for growth for both you and the child. Words are weapons! In our seminars, we called this – developing a ‘way of being’ – that has its origins in positive strengths-based practice. Strengths–based practice simply means practice based on strengths. Identifying and appreciating our strengths and capacities is the first step to developing positive change. For anxious children, supporting them to focus on the positive, acknowledging and gently challenging their anxious beliefs while providing a variety of techniques to learn to manage their fears and worries, can be the catalyst for positive change. As teachers and leaders, it is especially important that we are aware of our own ‘way of being’ to ensure we stay curious and non-judgmental. One way of doing this is to model positive language and a ‘growth’ mindset. Showing empathy (not sympathy) and sharing our own trials or similar experiences can help a child know that everyone has worry or anxiety at some time in their lives. In our coaching work, we are taught to ‘be present’, listen actively and effectively question, in order to support our coachee to explore and find their own solutions. The phrase ‘way of being’ in relation to one-to-one relationships, coined by Dr. Carl
Rogers (1980), suggests that people are their own ‘best experts’ and people are self-actualising. When appropriate and whenever possible, teachers and leaders can take on this ‘way of being’ or role of coach, in order to help students find their own solutions. This ‘way of being’ also goes a long way to helping a child feel connected. As Dr. Tony Fernando (Senior Lecturer, Auckland School of Psychiatry) suggests, if the worst feeling or experience for anyone is the feeling of disconnection, then feeling connection is essential for all of our wellbeing. How many of our students truly feel connection in our schools, with each other, their teachers or leaders? If they don’t how is this contributing to their stress and anxiety on a daily basis? Toolbox So, practically speaking, what can we do other than work on our own way of being? Well, as educators, we can provide opportunities for our students to learn about their brains, their own ways of being, and the variety of techniques that can be used to train their brains in order to manage their thoughts, fears and anxiety. Many schools and teachers are already on this pathway, some are introducing mindfulness, brain education, brain gym, yoga and other coping skills and strategies into their daily programmes. One example of this is from Helen Purdy, a teacher at Mountview Primary in Taupo, who focused on exploring mindsets for her teacher inquiry. She wanted to find out if her students had a fixed or growth mindset about their learning. If it turned out to be fixed she wondered whether or not she could help them shift their mindset to positively enhance their learning. What she found was exciting! Students who had a fixed mindset; when supported through instruction on mindsets and positive reminder responses such as ‘not yet’, they were found to have an increased self-confidence and achievement in learning.
Exploring our feelings: naming our emotions
Janine Halloran, in Coping Skills for Kids Workbook, provides four categories of coping skills that can be used to help the child figure out different ways to learn to cope with stress, anxiety and anger. The four categories include techniques for: Calming; Distracting; Physical; and Processing. Calming
Distracting
Physical
Processing
* Breathing & relaxation techniques * Mindfulness * Yoga * HU * Tapping * A peaceful place to feel safe
* Games * Baking/ cooking * Music * Tapping * Write a letter
* Exercise * Busy handsworry stones * Popping bubble wrap * Yoga
* Fear thermometer/ worry or anxiety scale * Beating the worries * Taking charge of our thoughts & perspectives * The worry box * Act positive to feel positive – PLAN * Share your own slip ups * Trace it, Face it, Replace it * Pin it or Bin it!
One easy strategy that was reported as very useful by teachers, was the ‘Pin It, or Bin It’ strategy we introduced at our seminar. All you have to do is ask yourself, ‘The thought I have in my mind right now; is it helpful? If it is – pin it and use it. If not, then either change it for one that is, or bin it! It’s important to remember that the science says we can train our brains. The above strategies are just a few we can use to do just that. For more information or further explanation of strategies visit our blog or peruse the references at the end of the article. Other schools have embarked on teaching about mindfulness. Two teachers from Gisborne – Maiko Lewis-Whaanga from Te Wharau School and Maya Mill from Makaraka School – are providing direct mindfulness instruction, and are finding positive results. They teach about the brain and then provide practical strategies to engage students in mindfulness to allow them to relate to what’s happening within and around themselves. This mindfulness practice allows students to refocus and reframe how they view a situation and how they choose to react; responding to a situation with wisdom and compassion. Maya has found students using mindfulness throughout the day and students have asked if they could change the daily timetable in order to start with mindfulness practice.
TAPPING – or EFT Emotional Freedom Technique ‘If someone can be traumatized in 30 seconds, why can’t they be healed in a day, an hour, a minute?’ asks Rick Wilkes, EFT Expert ‘Tapping targets the root cause of health and wellness challenges by interrupting the body’s stress response quickly and effectively.’ Nick Ortner, The Tapping Solution Recent scientific discoveries regarding the brain, in particular neuroplasticity, show that the brain’s pathways are not permanent; they can be altered, and if you want to change behaviour, you need to practise the response. In the same way that someone can’t just tell you how to drive a car, you need to be taught and given time to practise the skills involved, until finally, driving becomes almost automatic.
The same principles apply to stress and anxiety, children need to be given the opportunity to practise techniques that will help them to reduce their feelings of panic. One of these techniques is called Tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which is a combination of ancient Chinese acupressure and modern psychology. It seems that tapping on certain points of the body, called meridian points, can turn off or deactivate the part of the brain (amygdala) that starts the stress response and instead sends a calming response to the body, essentially, reprogramming the brain. Dozens of research studies have demonstrated its effectiveness for a variety of disorders and issues and the great thing is that it’s easy and safe to use and children love it. Also, it gives kids something to do and focuses their minds. For more information, visit www.thetappingsolution.com or visit Tapping for Kids with Alison – What is Tapping? (https://youtube/R0NUNNhosPU). Conclusion There is a plethora of information on the internet about dealing with anxiety. Many books have been written from a child’s perspective and we have listed some of these in our bibliography. Useful tips for teachers and parents are often at the back of the books. We would like to think that readers will feel inspired to try some of the techniques and strategies recommended here. It would be great to hear what you are already doing so that we can connect teachers with each other to share practice. If you wish to access more information and resources go to our blog http://anxiouskidsletstalkaboutit.blogspot.com to be part of the conversation going forward. Let’s take action now. References: Alter, R. & Clarke, C. 2016, The Anxiety Workbook for Kids, New Harbinger Publications. Greenland, S. 2016, Mindful Games, Shambhala Publications, Boulder, Colorado. Halloran, J. 2018, Coping Skills for Kids Workbook, PESI Publishing. Huebner, D. 2006, What to Do When You WORRY Too Much, Magination Press, Washington DC. Kelly, R. 2011, Thrive, Rob Kelly Publishing, Cambridge, England. McCashen, W. 2005, The Strengths Approach, St Luke’s Innovative Resources, Bendigo, Australia. Ortner, N. 2013, The Tapping Solution, Hay House, Australia. Van Nieuwerburgh, C. 2013, An Introduction to COACHING SKILLS a Practical Guide, Sage. Walker, F. 2017, Anxiety Relief for Kids, New Harbinger Publications. Ward, C. & Daley, J. 1993, Learning to Learn – Strategies for Accelerating Learning and Boosting Performance, Christine Ward and Jan Daley, New Zealand. Zelinger, L. and Zelinger, D. 2011. Please Explain Anxiety to Me. Loving Healing Press Inc, USA
AUTHORS Anne Giles Anne Giles is director of her own educational consultancy – Direction Worx Ltd – and resides in Taupo. She is a former Principal, followed by positions as facilitator/advisor for Massey University in Leadership & Management, Assess to Learn and Aspiring Principals. For the University of Waikato, she worked as a facilitator in the Leadership and Assessment team which involved her with in-depth work with Principals and developing leaders. She has worked extensively across the central region of the North Island. Anne is passionate about Women in Leadership and support for Principals – both first-timers and those more experienced. She is mum to 3 adult children and granny to 3 little ones. Contact details are directionworx@xtra.co.nz, p. 027 231 4343 Stephanie Geddes Stephanie Geddes is an accredited educational facilitator in leadership, assessment, and digital technologies with The University of Waikato and a private consultant. She is a former Principal, Team Leader/advisor for Massey University in Leadership & Management, Assess to Learn, and First Time Principals. She works in-depth with Principals and senior/ middle leadership teams supporting the development of high impact pedagogy and instructional coaching. She currently works in Taupo and the east coast of the North Island – Gisborne and Hawke’s Bay. Stephanie is passionate about quality teaching and learning and enjoys working with leaders and teachers as teams and one to one. She is a mum of 3 adult children. Contact details are sygeddes@hotmail.com, p. 027 268 1852
TRAIN YOUR BRAIN! Here are some rhymes to help you remember. TALK or WALK Helps you remember that you can talk to a grownup you trust. You can also change where you are and walk to another place. If you’re inside, then go outside, or the other way around. BLOW SLOW! Helps you remember how to breathe and calm down. SMILE FOR A WHILE Even if you force yourself to smile, it will tell your brain to make the happy chemical, serotonin, that will help you feel calm. RELAX – JUMPING JACKS! Helps you remember you can relax your body by listening to a special CD or doing yoga or you can speed it up by being active so your body will calm down by itself when you stop exercising. DISTRACT – GET the FACT! Helps you remember that you can distract yourself and change what you’re doing. Get the fact means that you can find a different good reason to explain what scared you instead of letting your imagination make something up. DON’T WAIT – CLOSE THE GATE! TURN AROUND, RECALCULATE! If your bad thoughts keep going down the same path, then STOP! Close the gate and choose another road. You can make a better choice. Zelinger & Zelinger, Please Explain “Anxiety” to Me!
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