A cup of tea . . . Helen Kinsey-Wightman
As I write it is the day of our school ball – there is not a hair, make-up or nail appointment available anywhere in town and by tomorrow I predict there will be a local shortage of blister plasters as girls recover from some very unwise footwear decisions. As part of the lead up to our ball we hold an assembly when we talk to our senior students about personal safety and – in the last 3 years – the topic of consent. The aftermath of roast busters and more recent discussions of rape culture following social media posts by boys at a single sex Wellington school have made it more apparent that high schools need to put in place programmes to educate and support both male and female students around issues of consent. The most effective resource I have found on this subject is a You Tube clip entitled A Cup of Tea – the British voice over version is my personal favourite. It likens sex to a cup of tea and talks about how you can offer someone a cup of tea, but if they decide they don’t want to drink it you shouldn’t pour it down their throat – similarly if they say they would like a cup of tea and then change their mind that is OK. Despite the fact you have boiled the kettle, set out the cup and added the milk you do not have the right to force them to drink the tea. It also makes it very clear that unconscious people never want tea . . . The clip made our students laugh and more importantly it also made them think. Of course, as with everything, teaching about consent needs to start much earlier – there is another great You Tube clip called Consent for Kids which talks to primary school age students about consent in terms of hugs. During the lead up to the ball a great many of our students watched the Netflix series ‘13 Reasons Why . . .’ The series tells the story of a group of students whose classmate, a young woman, has died by suicide. The story focuses on a tape sent by the teen before she died and gives the 13 reasons why she decided to commit suicide. The final episodes show the teenager being raped and her subsequent suicide in graphic detail.
Changes in the way entertainment is available means that challenging content such as this is available to young people of any age, can be viewed by them alone on their computers in the privacy of their bedrooms, often without their parents and caregivers having any idea what they are watching and can be ‘binge-watched’ for hours at a time without any support or adult perspective on the content. This particular series led us, and several other schools locally, to send a letter home encouraging parents whose teens had watched the series to use it as the basis for a conversation about some of the areas the series did not tackle well such as depression and mental health as causes of suicide and the importance of getting expert support should they or their friends ever experience suicidal thoughts. The letter went on to share some of the signals or warning signs which parents should look out for as indicating the need for further support. The response from our parent community following this letter was unprecedented – 25 emails within the next 24 hours, confirming that our students – their teenagers – were watching the series and thanking us for being so proactive in bringing this to their attention. Whilst I feel strongly that we have a responsibility for the physical, mental and emotional wellbeing of the young people in our school, I do wonder how much responsibility we can take on for their behaviour and the opinions they express outside of our school gates. There has been much media discussion following social media comments by students at a Wellington boys’ school, suggesting that taking sexual advantage of drunk girls is acceptable male behaviour. In the March 10 issue of the Dominion Post there was a report on the protest march organised by Wellington East students. The Editorial claimed that we need, “a curriculum that delivers information about the mechanics of sex and reproduction but is centred around the ethics of sex.” I cannot disagree.
A PD package for educational centres A critical guide to Māori and Pākehā histories of Aotearoa
This curriculum programme resource (CPR) is now available for all educators. Is your school still struggling to effectively meet the wider goals of the Ministry and other policies, to provide responsive education for Māori as Māori with Te Tiriti o Waitangi as part of the context? Or to teach NZ histories to all ethnicities effectively? The CPR can practically support implementing these policies and NZ histories curriculum more effectively. Mainstream and Māori pathways can successfully use the CPR. Schools can choose from a range of timeframes for reading & delivery. The CPR covers these topics in 6 Unit Booklets for staff to read and create their own unit plans, lesson plans, and assessments to deliver.
The editor went on to say, “Some kind of punishment is needed even if the comments were made outside of school time and fall into a jurisdictional grey zone. No student can expect to horrify the school he attends and escape sanction just because what he did was in his own time far from the school grounds.” Given the nature of the comments I understand this response and I strongly believe we as school leaders should be prepared to take responsibility for the curriculum our schools deliver based on the values that we espouse and promote. However, is it right and reasonable to expect schools to sanction students for expressing their opinions – however horrifying – via their personal social media accounts? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7Nii5w2FaI A cup of tea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3nhM9UlJjc Consent for Kids http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/comment/editorials/90251361/ editorial-schools-need-to-show-young-males-that-rape-jokesare-intolerable
For PD information, rave testimonials and costings view www.criticalhistories.nz or contact tamsinhanly@xtra.co.nz at 09 630 2188 The CPR is a single programme to help schools plan and teach their approach to New Zealand’s Māori and Pākehā cultures and histories in a cohesive way.
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